I went to church healthy and left with a concussion!
Today, I went to church extremely healthy and now I’m going home with a semi-concussion!
I’m not a big fan of preachers screaming the house down. If your message is compelling enough, you shouldn’t have to scream the house down or repeat the same biblical phrases over and over again to get your points across… especially if you have a point. I went to church to be healed and now I’m leaving with a headache!
I’m surprised they didn’t make me buy a ticket to attend the church I went to today. It was like one theatrical church show. The choir leader was more interested in selling her new album than leading the choir. The visiting preacher took her time advertising her twitter and Facebook accounts. And then she went on to trying to sell her books during her sermon… She made it clear that she accepts master cards, visa cards, personal checks, cash, you name it… She even brought her own card-swipper for you to swipe her card, receive her overpriced book and the Holy Ghost…Then she screamed the same popular biblical phrases for 2 hours while reading her notes and mixing them with nonsensical references in between. I went to church today extremely healthy and now I’m going home with a semi-concussion!
I negotiated with a CEO and he kicked my ass!
Yesterday I had to negotiate with the CEO of one of our big Suppliers.
I thought I was a hot shot but he kicked my ass early. All my preparations went to dust…I was looking at all my beautifully organized data that made so much sense and was going to sell like crazy 20 minutes prior and I couldn’t even understand them. My own data and notes were foreign to me…haha…
I froze and even forgot how to speak English for a minute there. I remember him asking me: WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU ANY MONEY? YOUR MARGIN FOR ME IS LOW and YOU’VE ALREADY PLACED YOUR ORDER FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR…and my response was simply: because I asked.
But then my supervisor walked into the room and I went from Mr. Beans to James Bond. Re-bottle after re-bottle and I scored big! I was like William S. in his prime (from his birth to his death, he was in his prime.) I came back and gave such a fantastic closing that I even surprised myself. We were offered money on the spot but unfortunately, not a dollar of that goes into my pocket!
Great days ahead!
Today, I dealt with an EAST AFRICAN waiter!
I went out for dinner with my doctor lady friend. Our server was an East African…let’s call him Xobile (pronounced “Click”-be-lay)
Xobile brings our drinks and walks away like he was mustering “look at dis bastard” in a deep African accent.
When I go out to eat, I like to tip via a personal tipping scale. I start off at 15%. Then I would add or subtract a dollar for every significant action by the waiter. For example, if my drink is on time, that’s an extra dollar; If you look like someone slapped you, that’s $1 less.
Anyways, my friend’s drink, a glass of sprite, had a black entity in it. She thought it was a bug and refused to continue with our meal. After my investigation, I concluded that it was a piece of dark chocolate. A new drink was needed. This whole time, Xobile was about 100 feet away eyeing us like we were the reason his life is so miserable. We called him over.
When he got to our table and we told him that the drink had a piece of chocolate in it, he replied, “Oh, I know. I saw it.” I snapped and said, “WHAT? So at what point did you see it? You knew she would need a new drink and you just waited and watched?” He just said, “My brother, ask an you shall receive.”
His tip ended up at -$5. As we left, I left a real tip on the receipt, “Wherever you go, no matter the weather, always bring you own sunshine. You owe me $5 and I’m asking you to receive the two hottest slap you’ve ever gotten…simultaneously!” (ran out of space.)
A VERY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION: I thought this guy was going to eat ME!
Have you ever been watched so closely by someone that you start to feel very very uncomfortable?
Today, I decided to live out my fantasies and take my clothes-washing talents to a public laundromat…for some reason, the plan was very relaxing, agreeable and fulfilling while I was thinking about it. For $1.25, the washing machines operate for 28 minutes and for $1.00, the dryers, 80 minutes.
19 minutes into washing, in came this guy I will forever refer to as EYEATOLA (pronounced Ayatola.) Not only did EYEATOLA stare at me continuously like he was going to eat me within the next (19+80) minutes, he brought no laundry, and he elected to sit in the most uncomfortable position known to me. Honestly, I can only recall 2 or 3 times other times in my life when I felt this uncomfortable. I was 97% sure EYEATOLA was going to eat me today. This guy stared at me for 9 minutes while my 2 loads washed and another 62 minutes while they dried (Time it took to load the clothes into the drier is negligible.) I was even hesitant about touching my phone…he might think I’m calling for help and decide to hasten his eatery of me.
I don’t even remember him blinking once and his line of sight was intense and magnified. I was so uneasy that I didn’t even redeem my 80 minutes drying that I paid for…By the sixty second minute, this guy was burning a hole through my forehead and I had to leave with half-dried clothes (more like 61/80 dried clothing assuming that 80 minutes would dry them 100%.) I didn’t even think about talking to him because quite frankly, I wasn’t sure if I remembered how to speak English at that time. That’s how confused I was.
I guess you could ask why I didn’t just leave the clothes in the dryer and come back after 80 minutes. I’m not crazy to leave anything around EYEATOLA…This guy would probably steal my basket, my socks and replace my boxers with bras!
Let’s just hope EYEATOLA didn’t follow me home…I checked thrice already!
Something Awkward Happened to me in the Bathroom
Today, something weird happened in the bathroom!
Background: Usually, when I go to the bathroom to ease myself, I stoop down, not all the way down (knee level), and check the stalls to make sure I’m alone. Why? Because that’s when I like to blast my tunes and practice my auditions for American Idol (The bathroom acoustics help!)
Anyways, today, as I walked into the bathroom, a song was bothering me and had to come out on full blast (Beneath Your Beautiful.) As I entered the bathroom, I didn’t notice that another gentleman had hurried in behind me just before the door snapped shot.
So as I bent down to check the stall before bellowing my tunes, 2 awkward things happened:
1. I gave him an accidental grind
2. He clearly saw me peering down the stalls while grinding on him.
In an attempt to avoid the awkwardness completely, I quickly grabbed my shoe strings as if they needed tying…and then I looked back at him and said: “I’m really sorry, I didn’t see you there. By the way, the devil is a liar.”
I got stuck behind an old lady and died!
Yesterday, I got stuck behind an old lady.
Background Story: I had some furniture delivered to my complex’s office since I wasn’t at home and the complex office closes at 5:00pm. I left work early around 4:00pm so that I can stop at Walmart, pick up a few things and then head to the office to retrieve my collectibles.
After enduring some odd traffic behaviors and finally making it to Walmart around 4:15pm, I quickly dashed through the isles like the Nigerian Nightmare that I am, grabbed everything I needed and got stuck behind an OLD lady in the pay isle (that was the only open isle.)
This lady had at least 50 of the smallest items in the whole store and they all needed to be scanned carefully…some, repeatedl. From far, you’d think she only had 10 or less items. It was getting close to 4:45 by the time the cashier was done scanning her items. To make matters worse, she pulled out a check book. I was like: Oh My God! By the time she’s done writing this check, I’ll be as old as she is!
And she kept asking the lady at the counter: What’s the total again? What’s the total my dear? After her third request, I just whispered from behind her, IT IS Ninety-two dollars and twenty three cents…It’s been the same amount for the last 7 minutes and it’s written right THERE! And then she says, Oh no, I’d like to put some of these things back.
I almost payed for her just so I could rush and get home to collect my shipments but I did some quick currency conversion and was like: HECK NO…$92 is over 10,000 Naira. Not today! By then it was close to 5pm so I just kept my cool and counted my other blessings one by one. And when I got to my place, my furniture was in my back balcony waiting for me!
George Zimmerman’s “Not Guilty” does not mean “Innocent”
NOT GUILTY…that was not shocking at all.
Unfortunately the prosecution team did not prove, beyond a reasonable doubt so that was the correct verdict absent emotion or any other content. That is the law (The CASE, or any similar case, IS STRICTLY or should be, AN EVALUATION OF THE EVIDENCE PRESENTED. THAT’s IT.)
Unfortunately, the evidence wasn’t enough. There were reasonable doubts even though I wanted him to be convicted of Manslaughter. However, God knows all and even Zimmerman can’t escape his justice.
I really feel for the family of Trayvon but the law can be cruel sometimes and this is one case.
The justice system has some serious flaws that needs fixing and can be very very cruel on a moral level but that was still the right verdict.
It doesn’t mean that George Zimmerman was innocent but the state just didn’t meet the burden of proof beyond a reasonable doubt. The case [inside the court] wasn’t about morality or right or wrong…The case was weak from the beginning but like I said before, God’s verdict can’t be avoided.
Don’t be ignorant. Education is power!
1. If this murder wasn’t televised and publicized, most people wouldn’t even know about it. And most people didn’t even follow the actual case and are just jumping the reactionary bandwagon.
2. “Not Guilty” is not the same as “Innocent.” At least not in the case of the law.
3. “Racial profiling” does not make you a “racist.” I do it…I even racial profile ”black people.”
4. George Zimmerman is not “white.” He’s technically still a minority.
5. Justice was served under the law. So be angry at the system and not the jurors, the judge or anyone else because there are similarities to the OJ was acquittal (He probably did it too.)
6. A criminal case is not about who followed who or who didn’t listen to the police or whatever other racial/etc sentiment you want to add. Simply put, the state did not meet their burden beyond a reasonable doubt. I wanted Zimmerman convicted of something…anything….but even I had doubts and that’s enough for a “Not Guilty” verdict. And if you say that you had no doubts whatsoever, then you either did not follow the case, or you are not an honest person.
*I too cannot believe that a “kid” is dead and no one is to pay for it but that’s the world that we live in sometimes. If Trayvon was my son or brother, I would want Zimmerman dead too regardless of his race or intentions. The system definitely needs reviewing and needs a change but no need for all the IGNORANCE I’ve been reading for the past couple of hours.
I rest my case. Goodnight and the “Supreme Judge” is still in control!
I WITNESSED A MIRACLE
On the 3rd day, I witnessed a miracle!
One of our suppliers’ VP took me to lunch today to progress some negotiations. He ordered, CHICKEN FRIED CHICKEN…and that was not a typo…what the heck is a chicken fried chicken…in Kentucky?…as if Kentucky Fried Chicken wasn’t enough!
Anyways, I ordered some ribs (half rack since I eat like a snail and wanted to be considerate), sweet mashed potatoes and corn with pink lemonade. The toasts/breads were excellent…I only ate one and he ate 3 even before I could butter my knife…not even the bread…I was impressed but silently unhappy since I wanted one more.
You can’t really just scream for more toast in a corporate lunch so I marked the location with an X! I’m coming back on a later date for more of those bread.
We had a great conversation about the world, soccer, Louisville, Purdue and then his company and the negotiation…The food came about 15 minutes later and it was time to eat. I smiled at my corn, took a sip of my lemonade with 2 scoops of sweet mashed potatoes. I looked up across the table and the CHICKEN FRIEND CHICKEN had disappeared! Evaporated! I mean GONE, without a trace…within seconds…what the heck?
I almost chocked on my corn…UNBELIEVABLE…At this point, I had to call for TO-GO plate. If I knew this guy was the Usain Bolts or Houdini of eating, I woud’ve ordered a full rack [free meal] and took my time when I got back to my office.
Oh well, still a great day but WONDERS SHALL NEVER END!
Today I witnessed DISCRIMINATION and SEGREGATION!
I was eating bread and ground-nuts on my balcony when a sizable piece fell to the ground.
Five minutes later, some ants gathered around to share in the spoils.
They started breaking off pieces of the bread and passing down to one another leading in a sing file.
All of a sudden, a bigger, black and obviously out-of-place ant tried to join the line and was heavily cancelled and ridiculed…I wish I coud hear the conversation.
In fact, the other ants readjusted their lines to go around and exclude the black ant.
Can you believe it? They literally schemed and designed a supply chain right before my eyes that excluded the black ant!
Playing God, I went inside, came back with a “weapon” and killed all those damn selfish, segregating and discriminatory ants!
The black ant had all the bread to himself and lived happily ever after
*And then I killed the black ant because I didn’t wanna send the wrong message that it was okay for ants to crash around here. I also used roach spray for good measure!
A Policeman Stopped ME
A policeman stopped me today.
Believe it or not but the whole 20 minutes I dealt with him, my hands were in the air…but I didn’t wave them like I just don’t care…I cared…deeply…for my life!
Before he gave me a warning for speeding, he asked me why my hands have been in the air; I told him: I’ve been watching too much TV lately and I don’t want you thinking that I’m reaching for anything…In fact, I’ve been enduring an itch for the last 14 minutes. He laughed and said: have a nice day and try driving slower.
I was chased by a DOG
I don’t like dogs…honestly, I don’t do pets at all!
Today, I was chased by a dog
I ran faster than the dog
The owner ran but was much farther behind
After a while, I decided to stop and face my fears…
As I slowed down to a stop, another dog, a bigger, uglier, faster, sloppier, louder, wilder, dog joined the pursuit…
Before I knew it, I was on top of the closest car I could see
…with the owner “barking” for me to get down from his car…
“Not TODAY,” I said
Don’t Stereotype Me Sucka
Today, I coincidentally found myself walking behind this guy in our complex headed in the same direction…
As we walked, he kept looking back at me every 20 seconds while patting his pocket.
What did I do?
I sped up, passed him and positioned myself directly in front of him…
Now, every 10 seconds, I would stare back at him, suspiciously, while furiously patting both my pockets and checking my backpack for my boxing gloves…
Right before I made my final turn, I turned and looked at him one last time and said: how did that make you feel? SUCKA!